by Elayne Savage, PhD
Still from video/G20 summit (Reuters)
A lot of fuss is being made about a certain recorded conversation between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin at the G20 summit in Osaka, Japan. You probably know the discussion I mean.
From Reuters:
Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin spoke to reporters in Osaka, Japan, ahead of their first formal face-to-face meeting since a controversial summit in Helsinki last July and the mid-April release of U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller's report on Russian election meddling.
Asked by reporters if he would raise the issue during their meeting, held on the sidelines of a Group of 20 (G20) summit, Trump said: "Yes, of course I will," drawing a laugh from Putin.
Trump then turned to Putin to give the directive twice, as he wagged a finger at the Russian leader. "Don't meddle in the election, please," Trump said.
https://mobile.reuters.com/article/amp/idUSKCN1TT0NL
Seems to me Mr.Trump was smirking and laughing as he shook his finger and said to Putin, “Don’t meddle.”
This attempt at levity has been upsetting to many in the face of what many consider a serious national security situation.
Let ’s look at the Body Language between Mr. Putin and Mr. Trump
What interested me most however is when I noticed the postures of both men: Trump as usual was slumped in his seat, feet planted firmly on the floor, his hands clasped in his lap, tips of his fingers touching, forming a triangle. You know the pose, we’ve seen it many times.
The usually rigid and stiff Putin sat sort of slouched, feet apart, leaning forward, with his hands clasped in his lap.
I recognized right away what he was doing because I’ve done the same hundreds of times myself. He was imitating Trump’s posture.
Someone else noticed it too. Later that day I heard Frank Figliuzzi, former FBI Assistant Director for Counterintelligence describe on TV his own impressions:
“You can see Putin mirroring the posture of Trump. Putin has very rigid posture but he’s leaning over, shoulders slouched as Trump often does. That helps Trump feel not only comfortable but that he is aligned and allied with Putin.”
There indeed is comfort in the familiar.
This mirroring of one person by another is a way of building rapport and trust with someone by copying their verbal and physical behaviors: their movements, gestures, rate of speech, phrases, pauses, or their language.
For example if a client or prospect talks fast or loudly or slowly or softly you might decide to
Therapists Often Mirror
When I was in therapy graduate school I was taught how effective mirroring can be in connecting with a client, making them comfortable with you and putting them at ease.
The term I learned 35 years ago was “mimesis” described by renowned Structural Family Therapist Salvador Minuchin.
"Mimesis" is an idea used by Plato and Aristotle and is derived from the Greek verb mimeisthai, which means "to imitate.”
In therapy or coaching sessions with clients my way of connecting is by being open, receptive, interested and transparent. To be honest, I also often do some mirroring as well –– often without even realizing it.
I’ll find myself leaning forward or back; crossing or uncrossing my legs; resting my chin in my hand; lowering my voice – and then I realize I’m actually replicating my clients movements or gestures or tone. Because I’ve used mirroring for 35 years, it has really become automatic.
And So Do Sales Reps and Realtors
My realtor and sales assoiate acquaintances see it as a part of “prospecting” – when even during a phone cold-call they intentionally join with the person by mirroring their tone of voice or cadence or pitch and even some of their phrases.
And Interviewees Too
Along with having great eye contact and using phrases from the company’s website, mirroring is another sure-fire skill for successful job interviews.
I’ve been coaching applicants on doing interviews for decades and most have never considered including appropriate mirroring.
The Art of Persuasion
“Mirroring” is a well-known component of the Art of Persuasion, along with eye contact, being receptive, varying pitch and volume, nodding in agreement, frequently using the other person’s name in conversation, and using the 'Feel-Felt-Found' formula
“I understand how you feel.”
“Many people have felt that way.”
“And then they found . . .”
Over the years mirroring has opened up a whole new world for me of ways to connect with people. What about for you?
Do you have stories to tell?
I’d love to hear them.
You can contact me by email: elayne@QueenofRejection.com
or in the comments section on my blog site:
www.TipsFromTheQueenofRejection.com
Until next month,
Elayne
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
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