By Elayne Savage PhD
Part of me wants the sensationalized part of the drama of Josh Duggar and the 19 Kids and Counting show to just go away. You’ve heard by now how 14 year old Josh Duggar repeatedly sexually molested five underage girls — some of whom were his sisters.
And yet, a part of me wants to see the story stay around long enough to bring attention to the downplayed and ignored aspects. I’m talking about the secrecy, silence, denial and most especially the failure of the parents to protect their young daughters by allowing the abuse to continue.
In this situation, it wasn't just a couple of children "playing doctor." And it did not go away – the nocturnal abuses on the daughters who where sleeping in the same room continued.
The Duggar family story gives us the opportunity to highlight two often overlooked problems: Juvenile-on-Juvenile molestations which account for over one third of child sexual abuse and the need for parents to be alert to what goes on in their household and protect their children.
Failure of Parents to Protect their Children
Josh’s nighttime inappropriate touching continued for at least a year after it was ‘discovered.’ Could his predatory behavior have continued for even longer?
I read where one of the sisters is still a minor. If this is true, doing some calculations she would have been 4 or 5 years old when he sexually molested her 13 years ago. The next oldest sister would have been about 8 at the time.
Wouldn't you say there is something very wrong about a 14 year old repeatedly initiating non-consensual fondling of minors as much as 10 years younger.
The Duggar parents say they first became aware that Josh’ was molesting the girls in March 2002. I find myself wondering how long the abuse had already been going on. And it didn’t stop after discovery. A year later they learned he was still at it and had fondled a 5 year old while reading a book to her.
Why weren't the girls protected? How many years did he continue to molest after that?
The 'discovery' of Josh's sexual molestations occurred in the last months of Jim Bob's campaign for the U.S. Senate. Although he was in the State Legislature, he lost his Senate bid in May, 2002. He ran for an Arkansas State Senate seat in 2006 and lost. Perhaps with so much attention to campaigning and recovering from these disappointing losses from 2002 to 2006, the children's welfare may not have received enough attention.
Given the family’s culture of silence, it’s not surprising it took a year to report the continuing abuse to the church Elders. It was decided Josh be sent off to a Christian treatment program in Little Rock “for hard labor and counseling.”
However, years later Mom Duggar admits to police there had really been no treatment program. Josh was actually sent to live with “a guy they knew in Little Rock who is remodeling a (Fundamentalist church-owned) building.”
There was no counseling, no real attempt to get help for their son and stop his inappropriate sexual behavior with minors.
When Josh returned home four months later, the Duggars and church Elders decided to tell an Arkansas State Trooper about the sexual molestations. It is reported that Jim Bob Duggar knew this trooper personally. Could this decision be because they learned Josh was continuing to molest the girls?
And why did it take 16 months for Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar to tell someone in authority?
The parents report the trooper, Corporal Joseph Hutchens, gave Josh a “stern talking to.” Unfortunately for the young girls who possibly were still being molested, Hutchens did not file a report with the Child Protection authorities. As a law enforcement officer he was mandated to report.
So who was this trooper protecting? It couldn’t have been Josh’s young sisters. As it turns out shortly after the ‘talking to,” Corporal Joseph Hutchens was arrested on child pornography charges. He was arrested a second time while on parole he is now serving 56 years in prison. Yes, you read that right — 56 years!
Why does a 14 year old repeatedly molest young children? My clients have some ideas about that. One speculates Josh might have been repeating sexual abuse that happened to him. Another client thinks Josh may have been acting out the sexual fantasies of a family member. This may seem far-fetched to you, but I’ve seen it happen many times.
Why do the parents continue to deny, dismiss and minimize what happened 13 years ago? From the transcripts of their Fox News interview:
– “(He) just basically touched them over their clothes while they were sleeping.”
– “A couple incidents where he touched them under their clothes, but it was like a few seconds.”
– “This was not rape or anything like that.”
These statements by the Duggars are typical of the many rationalizations I've heard over the years by perpetrators of abuse and by parents who are unwilling or unable to protect their children.
Just Waiting for the Abuse to Come Again . . .
The story of Josh Duggar abusing his sisters is a story I have often heard in my over 40 years in Child Protective Services and private psychotherapy practice: The repeated abuse, the denials, the secrecy, the silence, the inability or unwillingness of the parents or guardians to protect their children.
I often write about the devastating long-term effects of abuse: low self-esteem, fear, anxiety, depression, self-rejection, trust issues in work and personal relationships. Rejection and fear of rejection continue throughout their lives.
I’ve heard stories from many clients describing the fear they remember experiencing every night, lying in bed, dreading the sound of the doorknob turning.
I’ve also heard stories of sharing a room with a sibling who is being molested and dreading your turn (the Duggar girls all shared a bedroom in which they were serially molested by their brother.)
In Don’t Take It Personally! I write:
“Fear and anxiety are constant companions to abused children. They live on edge, just waiting for the abuse to come again. It’s not a matter of if it comes, but when it comes . . . . this ever-present anxiety . . . becomes a part of their identity and follows them into adult relationships.
“Rejection is the common thread in every type of abuse —psychological, physical, and sexual . . . .It is difficult to determine where one type of abuse ends and another begins. Psychological maltreatment . . .conveys “the message that the child is worthless, flawed, unloved, endangered, or only valuable in meeting someone else’s needs.”
For many it feels like an act of betrayal when a trusted family member abuses, and when other adults do nothing to protect the child. This includes parents, extended family, teachers, family friends or religious leaders.
Victims of abuse report being confused about what love and caring and respect in a family means: "If someone is supposed to love me, why are they doing this to me when it doesn't feel right?"
Jill Duggar seems to be describing this confusion in the Fox News interview: "Like you know I’m sad. I’m shocked at the same time… I’m sad because this is my older brother, who I love a lot, and so it’s like, conflicting there,”
People Knew and Did Nothing
Much of the pain victims of abuse describe comes from realizing people knew and did nothing. For many the ability to trust is significantly damaged.
And did any of the five girls receive counseling? For how long? Or will they be like so many 40 or 50 or 60 year old women and men who belatedly come into therapy to deal with the long-term effects of childhood abuse that become so problematic in their personal and work relationships.
(More about these fears, feelings of betrayal and long-term effects of abuse from my blog about Jerry Sandusky and Penn State: See the link below.)
A Dangerous and Hurtful Silence
During the many years I worked in Child Protective Services we were increasingly becoming aware of disproportionately high statistics for emotional, physical and sexual abuse in certain cultures.
We observed this was particularly true for some Fundamentalist/Evangelical sects. We also saw a high incidence of abuse in the military and were impressed that they wanted to do something about it and sent officers to attend Child Abuse Prevention trainings.
It was well known by Child Protection professionals that many Fundamentalism sects employe physical abuse to keep children in line.
And in spite of the church’s insistence on adhering to the purity code, it appears to be OK to “keep it in the family.” Their Code of Silence couldn’t keep reports from surfacing of sexual abuse of children by family members, preachers and church elders.
Several ministers have been forced to resign in recent years when details became known
Several ministers have been forced to resign in recent years when details of their inappropriate sexual activities with both adults and children became known.
Denial, secrecy and silence contribute to the culture of abuse in these environments.
Billy Graham's grandson, Professor Boz Tchividjian, observes: “Silence is one of the most common failures of the Christian community in preventing child abuse. Too many within the Christian community respond to the prevalence of child abuse with a dangerous and very hurtful silence.”
Professor Tchividjian adds that too many Evangelicals had “sacrificed the souls' of young victims.”
Self-Protection or Church Protection or Child Protection?
The sexual abuse of young girls by Josh Duggar was never officially reported to authorities until 2006 – over three years later. An anonymous tip was phoned in to Arkansas Child Protection.
On the same day the Oprah Winfrey producers where the Duggars were taping received an email alleging sexual abuse and warning that the Duggars were "not what they seem to be" and "I think that you should know the truth before they make a complete fool of you and your show.”
The Oprah people faxed the accusations to Arkansas Child Abuse Hotline. The police then began a series of interviews with family members.
Recently, Under the Freedom of Information Act In Touch Weekly received and posted a heavily redacted version of the report on their website. *(See the link to the In Touch Weekly story below.)
Were charges ever filed? No, they were not.
Investigators determined that the statute of limitations (3 years from the original report) had expired and that no charges could be filed.
They were using the date the Duggars talked to the State Trooper – who never made an official report although he was mandated to do so.
In the meantime, an Arkansas judge just ordered the police report to be expunged, which means the sexual abuse is treated as if it never occurred. More silence. More secrets.
And Moving Forward: How to Best Protect the Children?
Is Josh Duggar actually attracted to young children? If so, this attraction often continues – especially when there has been no counseling or treatment. Actually, when you think about it, it’s not the thoughts alone that are dangerous. It is the It is the acting on those thoughts that harms people. Counseling could have taught Josh some much-needed impulse control, but unfortunately, that didn’t happen.
I always remind clients: “Be on the safe side by being alert to leaving your children in the unsupervised care of someone who abused you when you were younger.” I’ve heard so many stories about the abuse repeating with the younger generation – children, nieces nephews, grandchildren.
Abuse too often continues through the generations perpetuating the culture of silence.
© Elayne Savage, PhD
What do you think? I welcome your comments, your concerns and your stories. You can post under 'comments' on the blog: www.TipsFromTheQueenOfRejection.com or email me at elayne@QueenofRejection.com
More reading:
TipsFromTheQueenofRejection.com blog: More about the fears, feelings of betrayal and long-term effects of abuse from my blog about Jerry Sandusky and Penn State: http://bit.ly/1HCDepZ
More blogs on abuse and it’s long-term effects in the alphabetical archives at www.TipsFromTheQueenOfRejection.com
Informative Blog (and comment thread) by a Homeschool Alum and current attorney involved in juvenile sexual abuse cases: "The Duggars: How Fundamentalism's Teachings on Sexuality Create Predatory Behavior"
http://fiddlrts.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-duggars-how-fundamentalisms.html
Another informative blog (and comment thread) by Carmen Green, a Homeschool Alumna and attorney specializing in Child Abuse Law and Homeschooling Regulations:
"A Homeschool Alumna’s Thoughts on Megyn Kelly’s Interview of the Duggars" https://homeschoolersanonymous.wordpress.com/2015/06/04/a-homeschool-alumnas-thoughts-on-megyn-kellys-interview-of-the-duggars/
Washington Post Timeline: http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2015/05/23/a-timeline-of-the-molestation-allegations-against-josh-duggar/
In Touch Weekly original published allegations and the 2006 Police Report: http://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/bombshell-duggar-police-report-jim-bob-duggar-didn-t-report-son-josh-s-alleged-sex-offenses-for-more-than-a-year-58906
In Touch Weekly 2006 Washington County Sheriff’s Office Report http://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/josh-duggar-chilling-molestation-confession-in-new-police-report-59752
Department of Justice report on Juvenile-on-Juvenile sexual abuse https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/227763.pdf
If you want more information on rejection, abuse and neglect, 'Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection' explores these issues and addresses their long-term effects. http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
If you find yourself feeling uneasy about the safety of a child and feel that child needs protecting, you can call 800-4-ACHILD.
If you have experienced sexual abuse, call the free, confidential National Sexual Assault hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Until next time,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
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