Memorial Day Takes on New Meaning

May 27, 2013

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By Elayne Savage, PhD

Memorial Day is of course for remembering the hundreds of thousands of men and woman who have died in combat. Each year the meaning of this holiday seems to expand.

In my Memorial Day blog last year I quoted writer Susie Madrak: "each soldier has a reason for being caught in a war . . . And when they die in the war, each death leaves a hole in the world . . . No loss is acceptable. Ask the parents, the spouses, the children."

I am still greatly touched by Madrak's observation.

I often drive by the Field of Crosses in Lafayette, CA. Since 2006 thousands of crosses (with a sprinkling of Stars of David, Buddhist Wheels and Islamic Crescents) have been placed on this hillside to memorialize troops who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan.

A portion of the Field of Crosses, Lafayette, CA Photo: Elayne Savage

It used to be one cross for every fallen soldier. However, in 2011 they ran out of space when the number reached 5,000.

The other day I stopped and parked for the first time – I guess this was my way of connecting to Memorial Day.

The number of Iraq and Afghanistan combat deaths recorded to date on the sign at the top of the hill says 6,749.

And yet those numbers tell only part of the story. What about the thousands of suicides by active duty military and veterans involved in these conflicts? What about the thousands who suffer from Post traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? And traumatic brain injuries?

What About the Men and Women Who Choose Suicide?

A few years ago a long-time friend, a Vietnam War vet, sent me a Navy Times article about the high rate of active duty military suicides. I was stunned at the figures I read back then.

The article got me thinking about the staggering number of active duty, reservists and National Guard suicides that are connected to Iraq and Afghanistan.

In 2012 the average military suicide was one per day. There were 349 active duty suicides. Compare this with the 295 combat deaths in Afghanistan in the same year.

Rate of Veterans Suicides is Shocking

The number of veteran’s suicides is even higher. There is one self-inflicted death every 65 minutes.

In early 2013 the Department of Veterans Affairs issued their report reflecting suicides through 2010.

Veteran's suicides were 22 per day.

Interestingly reports and articles on veteran's suicides don't mention how many this adds up to per year. Let's do the math: by my calculations that would add up to over 8,000 veteran suicides per year. And it is now 2 ½ years after that 2010 Veterans Affairs report!

This VA study has incomplete data; estimates were given because many states did not report statistics. But if all reported the numbers would most likely be even higher.

Here is the complete report:

http://www.va.gov/opa/docs/Suicide-Data-Report-2012-final.pdf

And now back to where it all began for me when my Vietnam War vet friend pointed me to The Navy Times . . .

On veterans: http://www.navytimes.com/article/20130201/NEWS/302010309/Report-Veterans-suicides-may-underestimated

On active duty military: http://www.navytimes.com/article/20130114/NEWS/301140310/2012-military-suicides-hit-record-high-349

I want to be sure and provide information for the Veterans Crisis Line – just in case you know a veteran who can use it.

1-800-273-8255 Press 1
www.veteranscrisisline.net/

As I became aware of these active duty and veteran suicide statistics Memorial Day began to take on new meaning for me. I'm feeling connected to the day and to the military in a way I never have before.

I wrote last year about how, until I read that first Navy Times piece on suicide, Memorial Day had always been a day of dread from the time I was 12 years old. It meant having to take that long drive to visit my mother's grave in South Omaha.

The pain of those graveside visits for many years overshadowed the meaning of the day.

http://www.tipsfromthequeenofrejection.com/2012/06/memorial-day-from-honoring-the-dead-to-a-day-of-dread-and-back-again.html

And What About You?

Have you, too, noticed a change in your own connection to Memorial Day? What is your experience of this day?

I'd love to hear your reflections:

elayne@QueenofRejection.com or you can post on the COMMENTS section below.

Until next time,

Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.

You can order books and CDs directly from my website:
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/publications.htm

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Comments

6 responses to “Memorial Day Takes on New Meaning”

Larry Raskin, Ph.D.

May 28, 2013

Hi Cuz: Great article!
I live close to Zachary Taylor Nat’l Cem. and often stop there to walk among the graves. I found two Medal of Honor recipients buried there, one from each World War. I often put a dime on the tombstone of the 19-year old recipient who was killed in Italy during the action following the one that led to the MOH.

As you know, we are involved in our practice with the Wounded Warrior Project and the Warrior Transition Unit. I think about the life-long damages the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have caused, both to the soildiers and their families as well to their survivers.Tragic!

Keep up the good work.

Larry
Larry Raskin, Ph.D., CDCH drraskinandassociates.com

Reply
Gail Glassberg

May 28, 2013

The veteran suicide rate is horrifying but I’ve always believed that those who witness combat are permanently scarred and sadly some cannot live with their nightmares and perhaps guilt.

Reply
Gaines

May 28, 2013

I grew up surrounded by veterans, some wounded physically , some mentally. Some left widows and children. Few spoke about the war, others simply could not adjust, they are the ones that seem to be in the suicide numbers that are truly scary.

I, too, have visited cemeteries. In my European travels I went out of my way to visit war cemeteries. There is something oddly peaceful about them yet endearingly sad. I have visited the US cemetery in Normandy, one just south of Florence, one at Chateau Tierry NE of Paris and one near Arnhem in the Netherlands.
The Dutch have a touching custom of adopting a grave. They tend and put flowers on it.
Once I happened upon a WW1 German cemetery in Northern France, in 1979, 18 soldiers only. Totally unkept . Years later I went back by to find it immaculate, cared for by the local French people.

Reply
Burt Dubin

May 28, 2013

This is a grabber.
Poignant. Timely.
I ask myself, “What can I do?”

Reply
Allen Roland

May 28, 2013

Good and timely article, Elayne ~ thus the need for a great centered
approach in working with veterans
~ see my piece in Veterans Day:
http://www.veteranstoday.com/2013/05/23/unsaid-issue-behind-veterans-rising-
suicide-rate-is-shame-based-guilt/
Blessings,
Allen

Reply
Elaine

May 28, 2013

I spent Memorial day watching a documentary called, “The Ground Truth” on Netflix. It was a stirring documentary about what our soldiers go through in training and in combat.
One Holiday is not enough to honor our veterans. I think that we need to listen to our veterans stories about their pain and despair. We need to see their pain and not sanitize or glorify war.
And I think we need to be proactive to prevent our young people from fighting in more wars in our system that is perpetuating endless war.
I am struck by how much our politicians incite fear in the American public so that we will give our blessing to war, because we are afraid. Peaceful solutions are deemed “unpatriotic.”

Reply