By Elayne Savage, PhD
I've been receiving e-mails about the polarity and negativity in this political campaign. Readers talk about the nasty and personal sniping, the name-calling and how there seems to be an unusual amount of viciousness in debates and advertising.
One woman wrote: "Things are getting pretty ugly in the political sphere this election. It would be beneficial to get further perspective on ways to handle situations that are so negative."
"It is not just candidates who are negative. It seems, to me very few people are able to discuss politics without demonizing the other side. It is a real challenge to talk issues in a more objective way.
"A case in point is a close relative who keeps sending attacking political e-mail after I asked them to stop. How do you handle a person who insists upon talking politics when I have clearly stated I don't wish to discuss politics with them? Where's a good starting point to deal with this issue?"
I do have some ideas of what may be going on here. This is not meant to be a political commentary. But rather, some observations on human nature.
Let's start with understanding 'isomorphism' and then move on to 'psychological projection.'
It is fascinating how some of our relatives or friends or neighbors appear to be taking on the negative qualities of the campaigners. And the media does the same!
The reader's example of pushy, negative comments is a terrific example of isomorphism (Sometimes referred to as 'parallel process' or 'social contagion.')
Isomorphism is a mirroring of one situation by another. It is when the energy from one context (for example political campaigners) is picked up and replicated in another context (for example voters.)
You’ve probably noticed how images in television commercials sometimes morph one into another. For example, a human face will change into a lion’s face or an antelope will transform into a car— right before your eyes.
This is what happens with certain interactions as well. In politics the character and temperament of a candidate trickles down to voters. There seem to be an influx of personal attacks, sharp tones of voice, aggressiveness and nastiness.
And of course this process also exists in personal and professional relationships.
Isomorphism is one way of explaining what may be going on in the realm of political nastiness. Psychological projection is another.
Psychological Projection: Spreading the Garbage Around
As the political attacks get more intensely personal and vicious every day, I wonder if there isn't some kind of personal flavor and investment in the accusations.
Could it be that the accuser is talking about their own flaws or shortcomings?
The tendency to see certain traits in another person when you cannot acknowledge them in yourself is called psychological projection.
When we find traits, behaviors, ideas or feelings unacceptable in someone else, it is usually because they are blind spots for us and we need to disown them.
If our family or society has deemed something "unacceptable," it is not safe for it to show up and we tend to submerge it. These traits become our 'shadow side.'
And if they do start to pop up, they make us really nervous.
Anytime we have unacceptable thoughts, needs, feelings, or fears our anxiety level can shoot up. Most of us have a tendency to protect ourselves from experiencing the anxiety when undesirable thoughts intrude. A common way to cope with and tame the anxiety is to unconsciously attribute the thoughts or feelings to others.
In other words, to rid ourselves of this anxiety, we may fling these unacceptable parts of ourselves onto other folks. We may accuse them of the same types of behaviors that we find incompatible with how we see ourselves.
In this primary election we hear accusations of being disreputable, corrupt and sexually inappropriate. We hear about infidelity, influence peddling, corporate shilling, dishonesty, and vicious whisper campaigns.
Some scratching below the surface and a little research might expose the accuser as having similar attributes.
I'm not making a political statement here. Psychological projection has been rampant from both political parties throughout quite a few primary and general election campaigns. And I've commented on it in other blogs.
Have you noticed it too? Is it my imagination or does it seem to get worse with each new campaign?
I'd love to hear your comments. You can write to me at
elayne@QueenofRejection.com
Psychological projection does not just exist in political campaigns. It is all too common in our personal and professional relationships as well.
Have you noticed how traits you can't tolerate in others are often the things you can’t stand about yourself? These might include anger, sadness, fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, and dependency. It might include your tendency to be stubborn or flirtatious or bad or too loud or pushy or competitive or controlling.
When a thought or fear is too hot to handle we want to get rid of it. That's when you might toss it over to someone else. Partners, friends or co-workers are handy recipients. By attributing the thought to them, you can rid yourself of the anxiety it brings up.
Projection is like moving your “stuff” into someone else’s storage space — for safekeeping.
A client says, “When we can’t own our own stuff, we try to give it away. I guess you could say that projection protects us from ourselves by spreading the garbage around.”
Projection also involves confusion about personal boundaries. I describe how this works in BREATHING ROOM: http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs
"Having good personal boundaries means being able to recognize how our personal space is unique and separate from the personal space of others. It means knowing where you stop and the other person begins — regarding feelings, thoughts, needs, and ideas."
It's Hard Not to Take Finger Pointing Personally
If you find yourself attributing feelings or thoughts to someone else why not take some time to ask yourself if you could possibly have the same trait. Could you be dealing with it by projecting it onto the other person?
It's no wonder the onslaught of insinuations and projections in this election have been unsettling to my coaching and therapy clients. It reminds them of all the projections they have experienced in their personal lives. Unfounded accusations from parents, sibs, teachers, or peers. Accusations that didn't fit. And no wonder. The accuser was most likely talking about him or herself. It's hard not to take finger pointing personally. It certainly feels like a personal attack.
There is an old Saturday Night Live joke about finger pointing. When someone is pointing a finger at you, remind yourself that the other three fingers are actually pointing right back at the accuser. The SNL folks sure got it right. It helps put things in perspective.
It's a reminder worth repeating to yourself:
"This is not about me.
This is most likely about the other person.
They are probably talking about themselves.
What might they be saying?"
In spite of the disturbing nature of the campaigning we can learn a lot about ourselves by noticing it's effect on us. Projection is all too common in many relationships. It helps when we can get a handle on it.
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Would love to hear your ideas. elayne@QueenofRejection.com
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking books published in 9 languages.
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