Seems like I've been blogging a lot lately about betrayal, mostly corporate. You'd think I might learn something from reading my own writing. But wow – was I ever hit big time with betrayal of trust in a 30-year relationship.
I was blindsided. Thrown under the bus. Deceived. Lied to. Manipulated. But so were 30,000 others when our professional association recently deserted us.
Most of you know I've been a Marriage and Family Therapist for almost 30 years – along with all the other hats I wear: author, speaker, relationship and workplace coach.
My professional association, California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, has promoted the interests of Marriage and Family Therapists exclusively for the last 49 years. Now they have decided to promote the interests of 'mental health professionals' – giving them full membership, voting rights and even seats on the Board of Directors. Each of these professions have their own associations, however, MFTs are not allowed to join as full members and most certainly not allowed to be voting members of their boards.
Secrecy and Lack of Transparency
When our 'Yes or No' ballots arrived in the mail this was the first we heard of the changes. We had no inkling of this secret plan to radically change our organization. Ballots were due in four weeks and there was little time to research the pros and cons of the issue. There were no strikeouts or side-by-side comparison of the new and the old bylaws. We would have to go to the website and compare the old and new word for word. And let's face it: "nobody reads the fine print."
But the worst part was the "Executive Summary of Proposed Changes" provided in the ballot pamphlet. These statements misrepresented and misinformed us about the purpose of the changes and the effect they would have on us.
Many members, trusting the information provided by the leadership, had already voted by the time the deceit was discovered. Early voters voted yes, trusting the misrepresentations in the "Summary." The vote passed, but if 35 more members had voted 'no' it would have failed.
There was a total lack of transparency, gross inaccuracies and misrepresentations which left us without adequate information to make an informed decision on our vote.
I Just Hate Being Lied To
I'm having a sickening gut reaction to all this. I feel betrayed and abandoned in a relationship I have trusted to protect my interests for 30 years. I felt kicked in the gut. Blindsided. Dismissed. Marginalized. Disenfranchised.
I can now see how this betrayal of trust by my professional association has reawakened stockpiles of experiences from the past. I can see how the extent of my upset was connected to childhood betrayal experiences that came flooding back in a gut-wrenching kind of way. There have been a myriad of teenage and young adult rejections, betrayals and abandonments. As well as a recent hurtful relationship experience.
The old and new hurts act reciprocally: Old pain is reignited and serves to inflame the present situation.
How Easily Trust Can Be Shattered
I've been thinking a great deal about how important trust is to me and how easily it can be shattered:
It's important to me to trust I'm supported and someone has my back.
It's important to me to trust I won't be thrown under the bus.
It's important to me to trust that I'm not being lied to or manipulated.
Have you had these feelings as well? In what situations? How did you handle it? Could you restore trust? If so, how did you do that?
And regarding this recent professional betrayal of trust:
A few of us have been galvanized to action to reclaim our organization. We have asked that they rescind the vote because it was so flawed, but even though we show them legally how this can be done, they refuse. If you are curious about the details of the Associations actions here are some links:
From Richard Leslie JD, CAMFT Of Counsel who was terminated after writing his impressions to the membership.
https://sites.google.com/site/savecamft/home/letter-from-richard-leslie-jd
And from the past Executive Director of CAMFT:
https://sites.google.com/site/savecamft/home/mary-riemersma
A Way Out
So the way to not feel so victimized is to be proactive. Many of us have become involved in in fighting for the future of our profession in California: acquiring signatures on a petition to recall the present board, hiring a legal firm to represent our point of view, filing an ethics complaint and reaching out to hundreds of licensed members and interns to educate about the situation.
We are asking the director and board to repeal the flawed vote, to go back to the previous bylaws, to educate the membership with transparency about all aspects of the proposed bylaws, and to have another vote on these bylaws. A pretty simple solution and legally sound.
As you might guess, it has been an amazing experience connecting with hundreds of others in our fight to preserve representation for our profession. The more active I get in all this, the more people I get to know!
Would love to hear your experiences with issues of betrayal and loss of trust and/or with this kind of secret activity by your representatives.
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.
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