Tips from the Queen of Rejection®

When Media Icons Get Fired

—

by

Elayne Savage, PhD

By Elayne Savage, PhD

 

"You're fired!"


"We won't be needing your services anymore."

"We're canceling your show."

How can you hear those words and not to take it personally? Especially if it feels unfair or there's been a betrayal of trust. Most especially if you didn't see it coming.

It's hard not to feel victimized.

Chances are you are feeling 'dissed' as well -– disrespected, dismissed, discarded, dispensable, discounted, disposed of. Each of these is a form of rejection.

It's a Long Fall for Icons

Recently we've watched  several media icons fall or get tossed off their pedestals.

– George Zimmer unceremoniously ousted by The Men's Wearhouse board of directors.

– Paula Deen sabotaging her career with thoughtless musings reflecting her Southern heritage and being fired multiple times: by the Food Network, Walmart, Caesars Entertainment, Smithfield Foods, Target, Home Depot, and  diabetes drug maker Novo Nordisk.

– Brian Williams feeling "insulted" that NBC dropped his show, 'Rock Center.'

– Neal Conan making it clear NPR's  decision to cancel Talk of the Nation was not  his idea.

And when the firing is so public, the hurt and anger most likely intensify.

All Fired Up About Getting Fired

Have you ever been fired? Did you take it personally? What kind of emotions do these recent rash of firings bring up for you?

A long time ago I was fired from a Medical Social Worker job at a major hospital. They gave two reasons; My supervisor ordered me to address a 15 year old as  "Mr. Jones."
I thought it was a ridiculous request and flat-out refused. She wrote me up.

The other charge was more legitimate I guess: I neglected to write a piece of information in our records before I went out of town for three days, even though I had informed the doctors and nurses on the ward.

Did my firing feel unfair? Yes.  Did I feel unsupported and betrayed by people I worked with? Yes. Was I angry and resentful? Yes. Did I feel victimized? Absolutely.

I've been thinking a lot about victimhood lately. Feeling like a victim is a place I used to go to quickly – especially when I'm feeling sorry for myself. It doesn't take much for me to find myself right back in that helpless childhood place where new hurts pile on old ones. And old experiences seem to come out of the woodwork: secrecy, betrayal, lack of support and accusations that my perceptions are wrong.

I wasn't aware of my victim-y behavior until a coworker pointed it  out to me.  Of course I denied it, but on reflection, he was absolutely right. From that time on, I've been mostly able to spot this tendency in myself. I can usually make a conscious decision not  to repeat the victim routine. Although, truth be told, I still can do a pretty good job of  feeling sorry for myself. Guess an occasional pity party feels like home!

Romany Malco on Victimhood

Recently I was able to contribute some ideas to a touching blog on victimhood. Romany Malco (aka Tijuana Jackson) wrote about difficult childhood experiences. He asks: " what distinguishes the victim who manages to transcend his/her trauma(s) and go on to lead a love-filled, purpose-driven existence from one who chooses a more counterproductive (sometimes self-destructive) life?"

Read more: http://bit.ly/1bzJDwX

In response to Malco's question about victimhood, I see it this way: The big difference is the empowerment that comes from knowing we have choices – recognizing we are walking down that victim path and knowing we can decide to  try out another road. Making choices is being proactive, rather than passive. It can be a powerful, exhilarating feeling—and so freeing.

You may already be familiar with Portia Nelson’s “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters."  For my own sense of well-being, I like to re-read it every so often.

I


I walk, down the street.
   

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
   

I fall in
   

I am lost . . . I am helpless


It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II


I walk down the same street.
   

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
   

I pretend I don’t see it.
   

I fall in again.


I can’t believe I am in the same  place.
but, it isn’t my fault.


It still takes a long time to get out.

III


I walk down the same street.
   

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
   

I see it is there.
   

I still fall in . . . it’s a habit.
   

my eyes are open.


I know where I am.


It is my fault.


I get out immediately.

IV


I walk down the same street.
   

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
   

I walk around it.

V


I walk down another street.



© Elayne Savage, PhD

Until next time,

Elayne

Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.

You can order books and CDs directly from my website:
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/publications.htm

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WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
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 speaker, practicing psychotherapist and author. To find out 
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Comments

6 responses to “When Media Icons Get Fired”

  1. Wayne Perkey

    Elayne,
    Loved your thoughts – your are right-on target. I thought the same thoughts about Neal Conan, host of NPR’s “Talk of the Nation’ – I was a devoted listener.
    Wayne

    Reply
  2. Elayne

    Thanks, Wayne, for your encouraging comments!
    Yep I should have included NPR’s Neal Conan.
    I didn’t realize the show was already ending.
    He’ll surely be missed.
    So I just added something about TOTN’s demise to the blog.
    Thanks for the heads up.
    Thanks for writing . . .
    Elayne

    Reply
  3. Long-time blog reader

    Thanks for the reminder about falling in the hole.
    Great point/great imagery!

    Reply
  4. Burt Dubin

    Excellent article, as usual!

    Reply
  5. ab

    I don’t always respond to your monthly “tips”, but I always “listen.”
    This month I listened harder.
    I just experienced a few days of VICTIM, big time.
    I spent some time with my sister’s grand children, ages 8 and 9. Neither of the children had seen me for at least two years, so I was a relative stranger to them.
    The oldest was quite rude and nasty to me for much of the week. I tried to accept his behavior, but the rejection was right there, smack in my face.
    The younger child’s behavior was equally as difficult, although I didn’t take it so personally.
    So there I was, feeling hurt by small children, who obviously are hurt themselves.
    After all the years of caring for and educating small children, including angry and damaged souls, I thought I could have brushed it off. No way.
    Believe it or not, I took a long walk and cried and cried. That helped a lot.
    ab

    Reply
  6. Susan Ward

    Hi, Elayne,
    This was so good that I just had to post it in my Facebook today for my friends-with-boundary-problems types.

    Reply

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Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.


To find out more about Elayne’s speaking programs, coaching and consultation services visit www.QueenofRejection.com or call 510-540-6230 if you or your group can benefit. 

Book cover for Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection by Elayne Savage, Ph.D.

Don’t Take It Personally: The Art of Dealing with Rejection

Wouldn’t it be great to not be so sensitive to words, looks, or tones of voice? This thoughtful, good-humored book explores the many forms of rejection and how to overcome the fear of it. Learn dependable tools for stepping back from these overwhelming feelings.

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Book cover for Breathing Room by Elayne Savage, Ph.D.

Breathing Room: Creating Space to Be a Couple

Expectations and disappointments, style differences, and hidden agendas lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Before you know it, anger and resentment build up, taking up all the space. You’ll learn how to make room for the respect and connection you hope for.

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