Breaches of Trust, Betrayals and Looking the Other Way – Part 2

Jun 23, 2012

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By Elayne Savage, PhD

This is the first time I've written a part 2 follow-up in 5 1/2 years of publishing my TipsFromTheQueenOfRejection.com blog – but here we go . . .

I was incredibly moved by the guilty on 45 of 48 counts verdict on Jerry Sandusky.

In November, 2011, I shared my feelings about this case and how it touched a nerve with me – both personally and professionally as a Child Protective Services worker for so many years.

http://www.tipsfromthequeenofrejection.com/2011/11/penn-state-breaches-of-trust-betrayals-and-looking-the-other-way.html

My feelings in response to the verdict are even more powerful . . . and empowering. The victim-y residue has lasted far too long. I only hope the verdict is as empowering for the victims of Jerry Sandusky and others who have endured abuse by family, teachers, mentors. coaches . . . or whoever abused power in these kinds of ways. Abuse has many colorations: sexual, physical, emotional maltreatment and neglect.

http://www.tipsfromthequeenofrejection.com/abuse/

Interestingly, just before the Sandusky verdict someone posted a comment about my September 2009 blog about spankings. Her sister had just shared that blog post with her and she in turn shares her experience of childhood spankings – and their long term effects – with us.

http://www.tipsfromthequeenofrejection.com/2009/09/thoughts-on-spanking-children.html

And only a few minutes after her post, the Sandusky verdict came down!

After 15 years of not paying attention to complaints of abuse, the state of Pennsylvania finally wised up. They brought 48 counts against Jerry Sandusky and the jury found him guilty of 45!

Yet I still find myself asking, as I did in my earlier blog on Sandusky and Penn State officials:

Why did they look the other way for so long?

Why did it take 15 years to stop this man?

How many more boys have been vulnerable to the abusive sexual overtures of Jerry Sandusky over these years?

The good news is investigations are still going on about why Penn State officials did nothing to protect these at-risk kids that Jerry Sandusky coached and mentored through his Second Chance Foundation.

Hopefully this is a heads up for parents and authorities. Hopefully this verdict will give other victims permission to speak up about the mistreatment, shame and humiliation they have endured. Hopefully, other perpetrators will be stopped.

Life-long and Life-changing Consequences

Attorney General Linda Kelly talks about the "life-long and life-changing consequences" for his victims. In spite of her skipping over the fact that it took 15 years for justice, the video is worth watching. She asks, "Who would believe a kid?" We in Belleforte, PA could and would believe a kid." . . . Well, yes, but it took authorities 15 years since the first report by child and parent surfaced in 1998.

Here's the link to the Attorney General's comments:

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/06/22/12365711-landmark-day-reaction-to-guilty-verdict-in-sandusky-child-sex-abuse-trial?lite

As Kelly states, "where there is one victim, there very likely are more." No surprise that Sandusky's adopted son, Matt, now alleges sexual abuse by Jerry Sandusky. Especially since we found out Matt's ex-wife was trying to protect her children by getting a restraining order when Sandusky was first arrested in November, prohibiting her three children from sleeping over their grandparents home.

Just Call 1-800-4-ACHILD If You Think Someone Might Be Abusing a Child

Perhaps you, too, know of children who could use some protecting from inappropriate sexually, physically or emotionally abusive behavior – or neglect.

I'm hoping this verdict will give permission to those who have been abused by an adult – and to caring adults in their lives – to come forward.

You can call 800-4-ACHILD or contact your local police, or sherif or Child Protective Services Agency.

Make the call and describe what you suspect is happening. You don't have to have 'proof' of abuse or neglect. That's up to investigators to determine. You can make the call anonymously if necessary, but please make it.

Thanks for listening. As you can tell this is an emotional topic for me. This jury verdict brings validation and justice – for myself and in the name of every other child who has experienced this kind of lopsided abuse of power by an adult.

And hopefully it will help balance how we view the safety of our world . . . and the people in it.

Your thoughts? I'd love to here from you . . . elayne@QueenofRejection.com

Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking books published in 9 languages.

You can order books and CDs directly from my website:
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/publications.htm

To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING
WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598

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A COUPLE from Amazon:
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Categories: Abuse, Attorney General of Pennsylvania, child abuse, Jerry Sandusky verdict, Linda Kelly, Penn State, Rejection, Rejection, sexual abuse, Sexual Assault, shame, Shame, Sports

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Comments

3 responses to “Breaches of Trust, Betrayals and Looking the Other Way – Part 2”

Allen Roland

June 23, 2012

Justice moves slowly but when it moves ~ it can have a dramatic impact ~ as
it most rightfully does in the Sandusky verdict.
When the human reality of
his crimes finally hits him ~ he will be and probably already is a likely
suicide candidate.
Well done, Elayne
Blessings,
Allen Roland
http://www.allenroland.com

Reply
Burt Dubin

June 23, 2012

Elayne –
Wow . . . Such emotion . . .
With the combination of the challenges and shocks you endured
growing up . . . Plus your education and experience, you are
Uniquely gifted to respond to this case.
And you did so beautifully . . .
Burt Dubin
http://www.burtdubin.com

Reply
Ilene Dillon

June 23, 2012

What a wonderful statement, Elayne!
As a victim of sexual abuse myself, I’m interested in this topic. A few thoughts:
1) It seems strange, in these times when even children threaten their parents with calling authorities to report abuse (there’s that much information about it in our culture), that anyone, especially an institution whose responsibility it is to keep our young people safe, would not pay attention to this issue.
Why? Thoughts that come to my mind include the idea that it’s time for us to take a look at a) the respect we do and don’t give to kids and b) the culture-wide acceptance that boys should suppress their emotions and just tough things out, but certainly don’t report that you’ve been hurt!
2) Reporters said Sandusky had no reaction. When I watched him on my tv, he seemed totally dazed. I kept being drawn to his dazed eyes. With my years of work on “Energy Sapping” (co-dependence, manipulation), I know that people who are highly manipulative tend to get to the point that they believe that no one “gets” what they’re doing, so they are free to do whatever they want! When finally stopped (in this case it took a BIG hand of the law), the person is stunned, not understanding why what they’ve been doing hasn’t been okay.
This seems crazy, when we know we’re talking about child sexual abuse, but with a person who has been able to “get away with” manipulative, self-serving behaviors for years and years, such a person can even feel “wronged” and “misunderstood” when stood up to, having arrived at the point of feeling that whatever they choose to do is okay in this world.
3) So many people are talking about “scarred for life”. I sincerely hope the victims of this abuse do not adopt that stance and live it out for the rest of their lives. I was abused for three years, starting at age 12, by members of my own family.
These events WERE powerful, life-shaping and painful for a long time. At the age of 40, I confronted my abuser, who (curiously enough) didn’t remember any of it! For an hour I repeated this phrase: “I was not too young to remember, I am not crazy, it did happen, you do need to take responsibility for your behavior.” After an hour, I received an apology, even though this individual claimed still not to remember any of it. When he died, he told family members he was proudest of having “lived a moral life.” Amazing, eh? I’ve concluded that all of us like to see ourselves as good people.
So this happened in my life. How much MORE of my life’s energy do I want to give to this painful, dis-empowering experience? Absolutely none! That way I give the perpetrators permission to “get me twice”–once during the time of the abuse, and then for the rest of my life while I hold onto the (what we call “negative”) emotions related to the experience. I don’t want to give that power to those individuals!
So, I have focused on forgiveness, which means to “let go,” and which frees ME up, more than it does the perpetrators! And once that was done, I have focused on “rewriting the story,” i.e. focusing on the positive, life-affirming and empowering things that have occurred and that I cause to occur in my daily life. This puts the abuse far behind me. I like that.
There’s emotional energy around this topic for me, too, obviously! Thanks for listening!
Ilene Dillon, MSW
The Emotional Pro
http://www.emotionalpro.com

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