By Elayne Savage, PhD
On Valentine’s Day is the value of your relationship tied up in a gift?
Are you dropping lots of hints about what you yearn for?
Are you crossing your fingers and hoping your sweetie will read your mind?
"If You Love Me, You'll Read My Mind . . ."
Especially on Valentine's Day, unstated wishes and unrealistic
expectations are set-ups for disappointment. And we know all
too well how disappointments and misunderstandings can lead to
hurt feelings, misunderstandings, disappointment, anger and resentment.
And resentment takes up so much relationship space, there's barely
room for connection and intimacy.
By keeping your expectations realistic, you'll reduce your chances of
disappointment. And because disappointment feels a lot like rejection,
it's all too easy to take it personally.
7 Tips: If You Are Part of a Couple
-1 Stop crossing your fingers and hoping your sweetie will
read your mind. Be direct, and communicate clearly what
you yearn for. And make sure your partner hears and understands
you.
-2 Keep your Valentine’s expectations realistic and do-able.
Otherwise, it’s a set-up for disappointment.
-3 Don't let the fear of buying the wrong gift or card ruin the day.
All too often folks avoid celebrating Valentine's Day for
fear of buying the wrong thing.
-4 Remind yourself that you both grew up in different families
with different styles of gift giving AND receiving. Can you respect
each others 'ways' and not feel threatened by them?
–5 Don’t mistake "not thinking" for "not caring." Your partner’s
way of approaching Valentine's Day may be different from yours.
Try not to feel slighted if it’s “not the way you’d
do it.” This goes for gift-giving as well.
–6 Don’t try too hard to be “creative” in YOUR gift giving.
Just be you, expressing your appreciation of your partner.
On the other hand, a little planning is a great idea so Valentines
Day doesn't seem like an 'afterthought.'
–7 AND if things don't go the way you had hoped, don’t take it personally.
Dwelling takes up way too much energy and relationship space. Make
room instead for connection and intimacy.
More Tips: If You Are Unattached
-1 Spend the day loving yourself. You are worth it!
-2 Be good to yourself. Treat yourself to YOUR favorite
flowers.
-3 Treat yourself to that little gift you've been hankering for.
-4 Take yourself to brunch, lunch or dinner.
-5 Be grateful for the people you are lucky enough to love
in your little
corner of the world.
-6 Be grateful for the people who care about you.
-7 Consider ways you can make even a bigger difference in
giving and receiving love, perhaps spreading your light in a
wider arc than your little corner of the world.
Away From the Hype and More Toward the Heart
You can spread lots of light by embracing kindnesses and giving and mindfulness, and graciousness and compassion and gratitude and love.Not just toward others but for yourself as well. I'll bet it looks good on you.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE!
Until next time,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking books published in 9 languages.
You can order books and CDs directly from my website.
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/publications.htm
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING
WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
To order BREATHING ROOM — CREATING SPACE TO BE
A COUPLE from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs
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Elayne Savage, PhD is a communication coach, professional speaker, practicing psychotherapist and author. To find out more about her speaking programs, coaching and consulting services visit:
http://www.QueenofRejection.com
or call 510-540-6230
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Elayne Savage
elayne@QueenofRejection.com
510-540-6230
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