Hope and Fear and Hunger Games

by Elayne Savage

Hope and Fear are powerful motivators.

Have you given much thought about the relationship between the two?
Which has the strongest effect on you – Hope or Fear?

"Hunger Games" – a Study in Fear and Hope

Recently I saw it all played out on the big screen. "Hunger Games" is a fascinating depiction of the power of 'hope' and 'fear.'

Donald Sutherland's character President Snow, the ruthlessly evil leader of Panem, pronounces, “Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.  A little hope is effective; a lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is fine, as long as it’s contained.”

Chilling.

And 'more from "Hunger Games" director Gary Ross: "Hope is a stronger agent of manipulation than fear is."

Agent of manipulation? Hm-m-m-m-m. Yet another layer to think about. 

The fear part came alive for me numerous times in the movie. However, my biggest rush of adrenaline was during the dog chase. I could feel the scene becoming personal as I realized the dogs' faces were morphing into real people from my life. People I have experienced as threatening or vicious or unrelenting.

These were times I'd felt trapped and hopeless. And the chase scene was bringing me face to face with them again!

The Power of Fear

Fear has been an unwelcome companion most of my childhood. And for much of my early adult life as well. Old fears continue to intrude. Just when I'm beginning to think they are extinguished, they might pop up unexpectedly.

You may guess "The Queen of Rejection" experiences mostly rejection fears: Fear of being physically or emotionally hurt again, of judgment and criticism, of betrayal, of abandonment – and the loss of loved ones.
http://www.queenofrejection.com/about_personal.htm

Those of you familiar with my books, articles and workshops, know I speak on how common it is to have fears like these. And I address other common fears as well:
– the fear that someone might glimpse under that facade you've so carefully arranged, including all the times I've heard, "If you really knew me, you wouldn't like me."
– the fear of being yourself vs. losing yourself in relationship with another person.
– the fear of repeated rejection and how most of us are afraid to risk intimacy with another person even thought we yearn and hope for closeness and connection.

The notion that "fear is a stronger agent of manipulation than hope is" is evidenced daily in advertising and political campaigning. Here is a blog about how fear affects us:
http://tinyurl.com/8yzgg8n

Over the years I've also written about political fear mongering. One example is:
http://tinyurl.com/78m74es

In the case of politics, the acronym for F.E.A.R. would be "False Exaggerations Appearing Real."  And people get scared into behaving in a certain way.

Running On Empty

I clearly used to be a "glass-half-empty" person – fear driven and exhausted by the amount of energy needed for dealing with so much negativity. And then, a few years ago I decided to try a different route. I chose to make every attempt to try to view the world as "glass-half-full."  I wanted to see what 'hopeful' and 'possible' might look like. 

Sometimes it works. Sometimes not. Hope is a tricky one for me because it can get me into trouble. I love the anticipation of new experiences, new relationships, new adventures. What a high these can be!

And yet, those of you who follow my ideas know I often write and speak about how hope and anticipation can lead to unrealistic expectations. Big trouble arrives in  the form of disappointment.

Perhaps we're hoping someone will read our mind. Or hoping someone will "just know" what gift you want for your birthday. Or hope someone will pass your "prove you love me" test even though you don't tell them the 'rules.'

And disappointment can easily feel  like rejection. So here we have another acronym for F.E.A.R. – "False Expectations Appearing Real."

Maybe hope scares us the most  sometimes.

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway

One of my early mentors and favorite people, Susan Jeffers, wrote 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway,' an amazing book about how confronting our Fears can develop our sense of Hope.

I recognize how themes of Fear and Hope are woven through 'Don't Take It Personally!' and 'Breathing Room."  I realize how much Susan influenced my thinking and my work.
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs

Psychoanalyst Joyce McFadden says, "Fear is the prompt. Hope is the way. Fear is about trying to survive something. Hope is about knowing why you want to.

"When we use the better part of hope and fear together we’re in the best position we can be in. The best part of fear is that it teaches us what we’re afraid to lose, and the best part of hope is that once we know what we’re afraid of losing we can set about nurturing it and keeping it strong and safe."

As someone who tends to fear storms, yet rarely carries an umbrella, I love this quote by Vivian Greene: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … it's about learning to dance in the rain.”

I'd love to hear from you – your thoughts and experiences and stories about how you approach hope and fear in your life. elayne@QueenofRejection.com

Until next month,
Elayne

Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking books published in 9 languages.

You can order books and CDs directly from my website.
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/publications.htm

To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING
WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598

To order BREATHING ROOM — CREATING SPACE TO BE 
A COUPLE from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs 

REPRINTING THESE e-LETTERS

You can use the articles in 'Tips from The Queen of Rejection'®
as long as you include a complete attribution and, whenever
possible, a live link to my website. Please notify me where and
when the material will appear.

The attribution should include this information:

Elayne Savage, PhD is a communication coach, professional
 speaker, practicing psychotherapist and author. To find out 
more about her speaking  programs, coaching and consultation services visit:
http://www.QueenofRejection.com
or call 510-540-6230

AND if you or your group can benefit from how not to take 
rejection so personally, let's talk about tailoring one of my 
speaking programs for you.

 Contacting Elayne

I welcome your feedback as well as suggestions for topics you'd 
like to see addressed in this e-letter.

Here's how you can reach me:

Elayne Savage
elayne@QueenofRejection.com
510-540-6230


Reposting Rules

You can reprint any blog from ‘Tips from The Queen of Rejection’® as long as you include an attribution and, whenever possible, a live link to my website. 

And I’d really appreciate if you’d notify me where and when the material will appear. 


Comments

3 responses to “Hope and Fear and Hunger Games”

  1. Awesome article!  I am forwarding it on to several friends!!!
    Rhonda H. Smith
    Professional Business & Life Coach
    http://www.RhondaHSmith.com

  2. Burt Dubin

    This blog is a 10+!
    It is both intimate and chilling. I appreciate your directness and honesty about what you faced in your past. It reveals that under that PhD is a real person with the hopes and fears your readers may also face .

  3. The only way out of fear is through it ~ you are not truly free until you conquer fear. Fear is the ruling principle of the ego and the most commonfear is ” Being myself is not enough “.
    Allen Roland

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Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking relationship books published in 9 languages.


To find out more about Elayne’s speaking programs, coaching and consultation services visit www.QueenofRejection.com or call 510-540-6230 if you or your group can benefit. 

Book cover for Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection by Elayne Savage, Ph.D.

Don’t Take It Personally: The Art of Dealing with Rejection

Wouldn’t it be great to not be so sensitive to words, looks, or tones of voice? This thoughtful, good-humored book explores the many forms of rejection and how to overcome the fear of it. Learn dependable tools for stepping back from these overwhelming feelings.

Book cover for Breathing Room by Elayne Savage, Ph.D.

Breathing Room: Creating Space to Be a Couple

Expectations and disappointments, style differences, and hidden agendas lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Before you know it, anger and resentment build up, taking up all the space. You’ll learn how to make room for the respect and connection you hope for.