by Elayne Savage
I wasn't invited to the Clinton-Mezvinsky wedding. And I'm not taking it personally!
My high school friend Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky's son, Marc, is marrying Chelsea Clinton. A couple of days ago, I gave up on getting an invitation. Oh well.
Did you read the NY Times piece about the many disappointed folks who didn't make the cut? Their comments could have jumped from the pages of my book 'Don't Take It Personally!' Especially remarks about feeling "not good enough" and "left out." And descriptions of hard feelings," "feeling bad," and "noses out of joint."
Disappointment in not making the cut
Have you ever been terribly disappointed at not being invited to a wedding or other special event? Or if invited, have you been upset when you are not seated at a special table? Or if you are not being asked to be included in photos?
It's easy to get our noses out of joint, isn't it?
I've heard hundreds of stories from clients struggling with left out feelings. And I've had a few experiences myself.
Disappointments Feel Like Rejection
Disappointments like these feel like rejection. And we tend to dwell anthem – maybe for hours or even days. Then it turns into self-rejection. We start feeling bad about ourselves,. "Not good enough" messages begin to take over.
It helps to put disappointment in perspective. To step back enough nag not get swept up in the bad feelings. It also helps to be aware that any new disappointment includes a stockpiling of all our old disappointments. Not making the cut for a wedding recalls other times when we felt left out or snubbed or slighted.
Stay realistic, keep your perspective and don't take it personally!
It helps to be realistic about our expectations.
There are many times when I have not been invited to a wedding. Yes, sometimes I get disappointed and hurt. Then with some reflection,I realize it just might be because I hardly know either of the two people getting married.
These days the couple often takes charge of planning food, entertainment and the guest list. There have been times when I'm friendly with the parents, but barely know the couple. Sure I would love to be invited, especially if it is a prestige event.
Realistically, however, I really can't expect an invitation. Especially when the venue has limited seating.
When I think of the times my hurt feelings have complicated my business or personal interactions with these folks, I sure wish I'd handled it differently.
And of course, it helps when I remind myself that the best thing about not getting invited is I don't have to worry what to wear or what gift to send!
In the case of the Clinton-Mezvinsky wedding, many of the disappointed folks are likely social or political friends of both sets of parents. Most probably don't have direct connection with the couple. Four hundred or so attendees really means 200 invitations, when you consider many invitees are couples.
The wedding media speculation has been entertaining.. And it's been especially fun to hear so much about the mother of the groom, my high school friend, Marjorie.
Marjorie Margolies Mezvinsky's big heart
Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky has been a model of graciousness for me ever since we were classmates at Forest Park High School in Baltimore.
I haven't seen her since graduation, except on network TV when she was a journalist.
We've had some occasional contact over the years. Each time we reconnect, I am aware of her warmth and big heart. And with each contact, I'm reminded of her original graciousness to me in high school.
Marjorie was cheerleading captain. I had just moved to Baltimore in my senior year after my dad remarried. I had to give up being squad captain in Omaha, and was pretty depressed about the move. Changing schools, making new friends and adjusting to a step-family was taking a big toll on me.
Marjorie gracefully agreed to let me join the squad. What a life-saver this turned out to be. A built-in identity for a 'lost soul.' Inclusion in the cheerleading squad helped make an unpleasant time, a little easier. And I'm grateful.
An item about this story is in Leah Garchik's column in the San Francisco Chronicle. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/07/25/DDHQ1EHBAO.DTL
Many years later, Marjorie's graciousness surfaced again. She became my 'cheerleader" when I was writing 'Don't Take It Personally!' As a published author she could give me some terrific tips.
I decided right then to take big-hearted lessons from Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky.
And what a model she is! Marjorie's big heart was evident when she became the first single woman to adopt a foreign child, a Korean girl, and shortly after, a Vietnamese girl. After she married, there were his four children, and two they had together. Then they adopted three more Vietnamese children.They raised 11 children. Wow.
And I respect Marjorie's courage in voting her conscience when she was in the House of Representatives in the 90's. Hers was the deciding vote for President Clinton's budget plan. And in her Republican district, her vote cost her the next election.
Marjorie is a class act. I'm sure the wedding will be just as classy. Sorry I'll be missing it. According to the NY Times piece, all the uninviteds are saying, "it's no biggy."
And I'm sure not taking it personally!
© Elayne Savage, PhD
Until next month,
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of ground-breaking books published in 9 languages.
You can order books and CDs directly from my website.
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/publications.htm
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING
WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
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To order BREATHING ROOM — CREATING SPACE TO BE
A COUPLE from Amazon:
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