TIPS FROM THE QUEEN OF REJECTION®
Elayne Savage, PhD
November, 2009
Thanksgiving . . . Opportunity Awaits
By Elayne Savage, PhD
A very un-Thanksgiving-like phrase parades through my mind:
"The Chinese character for crisis is made up of two parts: danger and opportunity."
For over 15 years in interviews, articles and workshops I've been offering tips for handling Thanksgiving get-togethers and obnoxious relatives. Ways to replace attitude with gratitude. Never did I dream I'd be writing words about crisis and danger.
This year for many of us, the usual cornucopia of plenty is bursting forth instead with scarcity.
And yet perhaps we can rummage around in there to find some positives – turning stumbling blocks into building blocks.
Crisis Tends to Light a Fire
In 'Don't Take It Personally!' I write how danger and opportunity mirror each other:
"The Chinese character for crisis is made up of two parts: danger and opportunity. Crisis tends to light a fire that can initiate positive action.
Crisis allows people to dip deeply within, to open doors that have heretofore been closed, to breathe energy into new directions, to be creative out of necessity.
. . . in childhood you developed lifesaving strategies to help you get through those difficult years. These qualities may have come from existing in a crisis mode, but now you can offer yourself an opportunity to transform them into highly functional skills . . .
Imagine taking a step or two away and walking alongside yourself. What do you notice? How are you moving? Do you have energy? Are you tense or are you relaxed? What is your breathing like? Are you really breathing? Are you smiling? Could you be happy?
. . . By walking alongside yourself, you can be more objective about yourself. You can begin to notice small changes and learn from them. One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is, “What is different this time?” or “How did I do it differently?
. . . a good way to transform crisis into opportunity is to survey the past and ask yourself, “What can I learn from this that I can use in the present and perhaps carry into the future with me?” This attitude allows you to develop a new approach to life in which you see things from a different perspective and make new choices."
from 'Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection'
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
A Very Different Thanksgiving
Last year at this time I wrote about economic stresses and strains. However the idea of crisis didn't even cross my mind back then. Wow. It certainly has magnified, hasn't it? This Thanksgiving it seems we have to work double time to muster up some gratitude.
We are painfully aware how these economic times affect each of us and those we love. As a workplace and relationship coach, I hear many stories every week.
Since my style of working with clients is to enhance strengths and positives, sometimes I find myself scrambling to come up with valuable reframes and take-aways. It's harder than ever this year because relationships are especially strained by dashed hopes, stretched budgets, and lost jobs, homes, and physical and emotional health.
For sure, this is a very different Thanksgiving. Being thankful during this painful time is a real stretch.
Yet many of you have told or written me about how, in spite of the hardships, your perspective has changed in some wonderfully positive ways.
Something has shifted in how you think about the things you used to take for granted.
Transforming Crisis into Opportunity
You tell me how this experience of scarcity creates a new determination to reflect and respond differently. Many of your ideas are amazingly creative.
You talk about how you are rethinking priorities. And using the extra time to spend with friends or family. You talk about fueling your passions. Taking one or two professional courses – and some fun ones, too. Exploring hobbies. And thankfully getting some stuff done you've been putting off forever.
Seems to me the phrase 'thinking out of the box' is taking on new meaning.
"The Chinese character for crisis is made up of two parts: danger and opportunity…"
A Time for Reflection
As for me, I'm grateful to have time for some quiet reflection on what each new day brings. And apropos of this, I want to share a recent piece by Roy H. Williams, The Wizard of Ads, from his 'Monday Morning Memo':
My Holiday Gift to You … For Real
by Roy H. Williams
Tom Hennen has a line in his poem, The Life of a Day, that says,“We examine each day before us with barely a glance and say, ‘no, this isn’t one I’ve been looking for,’ and wait in a bored sort of way for the next, when we are convinced, our lives will start for real.”
That line is a little bit frightening because you read it and realize you’re guilty. You’ve been waiting for that day when your life will start “for real.”
The trouble with life is that it’s just so daily.
I share this with you because I’ve been thinking about my two grandfathers who are dead and my father who is likewise and I’ve come to the obvious conclusion:
Live while you have the chance.
“Papa was a rolling stone. Wherever he laid his hat was his home…”
- The Temptations, 1971
In the final moments of his life, my father scribbled a note for me to find. In barely legible pencil he scrawled, “All the little things in life add up to your life. If you don't get it right then nothing else matters. It gets lonely in the promised land by yourself.”
My Dad died lonely, I think, because he never made deep commitments. My father’s confession of his loneliness makes me sad, but his scribbled note tells me he wanted me to learn from his mistake.
I meet a lot of people who sigh deeply and say they’re looking for their passion, something to set their souls on fire and send beams of light shining out through their eyes.
But the people with light shining from their eyes know this:
Passion does not produce commitment.
Commitment produces passion.
Solomon, that wise king, spent years of his life searching for passion. In chapter 9 of the chronicle of that search, the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon writes, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.”
People read that and think Solomon is saying, "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may die," but that's not it at all. He's saying, "Throw your whole heart into whatever you do. Live while you have the chance."
This is my Holiday gift to you,
I hope you will receive it:
Find something that needs to be done
and throw yourself headlong into it.
Let today
be the day
your life begins
for real.
Roy H. Williams
www.MondayMorningMemo.com
Opportunity awaits . . .
And if you can use some Thanksgiving get-together tips for taking good care of yourself by not taking obnoxious relatives so personally, here you go:
http://www.tipsfromthequeenofrejection.com/2008/11/index.html
© Elayne Savage,PhD
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Elayne
Elayne Savage is the author of books published in 9 languages.
You can order books and CDs directly from my website.
http://www.QueenofRejection.com/publications.htm
To order DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! THE ART OF DEALING
WITH REJECTION from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/5cg598
To order BREATHING ROOM — CREATING SPACE TO BE
A COUPLE from Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/2e3objs
REPRINTING THESE e-LETTERS
You can use the articles in 'Tips from The Queen of Rejection'®
as long as you include a complete attribution and, whenever
possible, a live link to my website. Please notify me where and
when the material will appear.
The attribution should include this information:
Elayne Savage, PhD is a communication coach, professional
speaker, practicing psychotherapist and author. To find out
more about her speaking programs, coaching and services visit
http://www.QueenofRejection.com
or call 510-540-6230
AND if you or your group can benefit from how not to take
rejection so personally, let's talk about tailoring one of my
speaking programs for you.
Contacting Elayne
I welcome your feedback as well as suggestions for topics you'd
like to see addressed in this e-letter.
Here's how you can reach me:
Elayne Savage
elayne@QueenofRejection.com
510-540-6230
PRIVACY POLICY: Your name and email address are confidential.
I will not rent, trade or sell your contact information to anyone.
Leave a Reply